Teaching Homekeeping
Are your children tired of the same old chores in your house? It can be tough enough to motivate a child to do chores, but if they are stuck with the same jobs day in and day out - you can bet you have a battle on your hands.
Yes, children should help out around the house. It teaches them household skills and gives them pride. As a parent, you can help your child stretch their learning and be more motivated by varying their responsibilities from time to time.
You can implement a "chore jar". Write the names of different jobs and responsibilities on them. The next time you hear your child complain,(or maybe you just want to help them refresh their duties a little), have them draw a slip of paper out of the chore jar. Whatever task is listed on that paper, that is the chore they need to accomplish.
A lot of chores tend to be gender-oriented. Boys usually end up mowingyards and girls learn kitchen duties. Maybe once a month, or even once a week, you can implement a "switcharoo day". On this day girls do "men stuff" such as mowing the yard, changing oil on the car, hammering, touching up paint, etc. while boys do "women's stuff. The boys can help cook, tend to flowers, write thank-you notes, fold laundry, sew, etc.
All of these skills are very valuable to ALL people. I bet you will find your child's interests expanding and a more congenial personality develop when they are allowed to explore and learn ALL aspects of home keeping.
Dionna Sanchez - EzineArticles Expert Author
Dionna Sanchez gives moms practical ideas to use in their home life at Emphasis On Moms: http://www.EmphasisOnMoms.com/
Six Ideas to Help You Discipline Your Kid
Got a kid? Love him or her? Of course you do. So when he or she misbehaves on a consistent basis, what's the best way to administer discipline?
Well, as you may be aware, there is a wide range of thought on this subject. One school of thought teaches essentially hand's off, and says, the little darlings are very intelligent, so let them figure it all out on their own. No punishment or reward systems. Still another extreme says that the Singapore model of "caning" people for littering is a good one.
Most of us find ourselves in between these two nutty positions...and the word "nutty" is being charitable. If you don't think so, then stop reading. You're a lost cause and should find yourself a nice rubber room somewhere so that you don't hurt yourself or anyone else.
The fact is that anyone who actually watches children behave - without preset mental filters - will almost certainly come to the conclusion that different children respond differently. Some kids have a very high "pain" threshold. They can take whatever penalties you exact as they stubbornly refuse to do what they should do. There are others who can be easily motivated by various token systems.
So how do you find out what method of discipline will work for your kid(s)?
In a word: experiment! Here are six ideas for proceeding.
#1 - Put on your "scientist hat." Research what's out there. No author knows your kid better than you do. But many researchers have seen thousands of kids and had opportunities to try various strategies with kids and their families. So knowing what's been done before is a very good strategy in and of itself.
#2 - Once you have a sense of what is possible, start interacting with your own kid(s). Bear in mind that we live in societies that are increasingly filled with busybodies who do everything they can to blur the lines between discipline and abuse. So be careful as you try different discipline ideas.
Important note: as you try these ideas, it is critically important that you (a) remember your main goal: raising good, intelligent children. If this isn't your main goal, please find that aforementioned rubber room for yourself. And (b) be patient. This is as much an experiment for them as it is for you. They've never been where they are right now. It's their first time being a kid at the age they are. And remember, you're not dealing with lab rats here. You're dealing with *your* children. Never lose sight of that.
#3 - When you find something that seems to work, don't think you can finally relax. Nothing of the sort, my friend. Don't confuse short term hits to the bull's-eye with long term success. Your child may be responding to novelty as much as to the discipline. When the novelty wears off - and it will - your child may very well revert to the old behaviors that you tried to change. Novelty has a tough time lasting more than a few weeks. So give things at least 3-6 weeks to see if the changes are enduring.
#4 - Tweak before you make major changes in your efforts. For example, suppose you are rewarding your kid(s) with pizza at the end of the week if certain things are done right. And suppose you have reason to believe they are responding to novelty rather than the measures themselves. Rather than junking the measures, tweak them a bit to determine if your suspicion is valid. For example, you might vary the food rewards and say, "Look - if you do the right things, you get to pick what we have for Friday dinner." You might be on the right track and tweaking gives you a chance to really find out.
#5 - If tweaking doesn't work, then by all means try new approaches, keeping in mind all of the above.
#6 - Finally, be humble enough to know that you might need professional family help in the form of therapists and other counselor types. You've got to be careful here because these professionals vary widely in terms of competence and also in terms of appropriateness for your family. For example, some therapists suggest Ritalin as the first line of therapeutic intervention if the child is having trouble in school. You have a right to be skeptical in such situations. Listen to your own inner voice here. No matter how well intentioned, many therapists simply get things wrong. If the one you've initially selected isn't right for your child or your family, try another.
Note: there are professional organizations that can help you find a decent therapist if there is a need. America and many other nations are rich in resources to help families. Look to them if your problems grow too intense for you to handle on your own.
Finally, use common sense. Sounds strange perhaps, but the fact is that no matter what professional help you may seek out, no matter what books you read, and no matter what online forums you participate in - YOU will be making the decisions. You are responsible, like it or not. Use the best intelligence you can and proceed with caution.
About the author, Darrell is a regular writer for http://www.home-n-family.com - for more home and family related information please visit our website.
Your Child Is Talented
The birth of a child is virtually the greatest joy for every family. Since that moment their life would take a different flow. It would never be the same. I would not say that it would be happier or simpler. But one thing is certain it would attain more meaning and require more responsibility. For every parent their child is the best. No one would persuade me that there is a girl better than my daughter. But I am trying my best to be objective with her. It is natural for parents to ascribe to their baby various remarkable abilities.
However, pragmatic scientists have proved that only 20 % newborn brain cells are functioning, so baby’s talent is as helpless as he is himself. But it is in no case hopeless: by learning every new action new brain cells are involved and talent takes definite shape. The basis of the future talent should be formed before the child is three. At this age the brain cells are most capable of developing new connections (by the age the child is 3, 90 % of the brain structure has been already formed). Once special tests help you detect that your child is talented, start your work on developing their capabilities to the utmost.
The main task of the early education is to develop fundamental psychological functions- memory, attention, imagination, logical thinking. The period when the child is under three is very important: alongside the intellectual skills, most of the personal traits (such as self – discipline, sincerity, diligence, etc) are developed at that time. Many modern psychological tests for one-year-old include social aspects. Besides the well known IQ they reflect the child’s emotional quotient – EQ. Without it even the high IQ is not a guarantee of future success. The only chance to improve EQ - teach the child to communicate with other people.
Psychologists state that talent formation stops at 13 years old. By that time parents and teachers should do a titanic work. Without pushing and imposing their own opinions on to the children they should motivate their constant and free development. It is difficult, almost impossible. But the reward is worth trying: an unbound talent is getting brighter and brighter from year to year, children are learning, imitating, adopting to society rules, looking for understanding and finally find their niche where they can realize themselves best of all. After that they start develop independently. You as a parent become an attentive observer of their accomplishments and failures guiding them through the life.
Tyler Benson is a senior writer of BestEssays.com - Research Papers writing service. For more than five years, Tyler Benson has been providing custom research paper help for students all over the world. Currently he is working on creating his writing essay guide for university students. It will show how to compose every type of essay (e.g. reflective essay an application essay).
Parenting Your Teenager: 6 Myths About Parenting Teens
MYTH: All teens have to rebel, and the teen years will be miserable years for a family.
REALITY: Teens do have to separate from their parents and families. That's good -- otherwise kids would be living at home when they are 35.
They do, however, have to earn the privilege of being in charge.
MYTH: Once teens rebel, you have lost them forever.
REALITY: This is the fear of every parent, but it doesn't happen in most cases. As the proverb says, 'Train a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old, he will not depart from it.'
This notion is elaborated upon in Miller Newton's book 'Adolescence: Surviving the Perilous Journey.' His view is that all adolescents withdraw, and some will go so far as to isolate themselves. They will, however, reemerge at some point. Part of the parents' job then is to maintain the connection so a relationship can continue when they reemerge.
MYTH: Raising teens is easy if you do it right.
REALITY: If you listen to some so-called parenting experts, raising kids -- even teens -- is a walk in the park.
According to them, the only reason you are having difficulty is because you are doing it wrong (not like them, in other words). The reality is that parenting is a labor-intensive task. To raise kids and teach moral character, you have to go against the prevailing culture.
MYTH: Your teen years were just like those of your teenager.
REALITY: Many of the character issues they are dealing with are very much like the ones you faced. But the world, atmosphere and culture in which they are dealing with these issues is incredibly different. Don't make the mistake of thinking it's all the same.
MYTH: If you have not parented as well as you would have liked up until now, it's too late to try anything different.
REALITY: This is one of those seductive little lies that sounds so close to the truth. But it's not. Even if you gave up being in charge of yourkids long ago, it's still not too late to parent in a different way. They won't like it at first, but you don't need their permission, and you never did. You can, over time, get their cooperation.
MYTH: Parents must be in control at all times.
REALITY: Well, yes and no.
As we put teenagers in charge of more and more areas, we are giving them enough rope, not to hang themselves, but to grow. If they demonstrate they can be in charge in a certain area, they can have that one.
By
Jeff Herring
Make a Place for Computers in Children's World
Computers have become an important part of our everyday lives and will be even more in the future. Knowledge about computers might become as important to elementary school children as reading and writing.
There has been a lot of debate whether computers should be used with younger children. Some educators doubt the value of modern technology with younger kids. But some researchers have found lot of positive learning benefits with the use of computers in younger kids, especially when an adult supervisor is involved. Positive impact has also been found on children with disabilities or special needs. It has been said that “Technology can change the way children think and learn.”
Children are great “thinkers”. Their rapidly growing brains are assimilating a lot of knowledge from their surroundings. Lot of data is analyzed and stored in the memory cells. Positive play experiences, visual and auditory stimuli give a big boost to this process.
For example; I was pleasantly surprised one day when I saw my 2and half year old twin girls playing with their toy fishes. They were holding a couple of dolphins, making jumping movements with their hands and dolphin sounds with their mouth at the same time. They were pretending that the dolphins are playing in the water. Then they picked up a whale which started talking to the dolphins. They made whale sounds with some “clicks” and “tweets”. Being a mother I was fascinated and of course very proud. I learned later that they were looking at the Encyclopedia with their dad, on the earlier day and had repeatedly watched the sound clips and little video clips.
Explore, create and learn while having fun. That is a child’s life. Playing is a lot more to children then just having fun. As children play, they learn about themselves and their surrounding environment. They learn social skills, learn to solve problems and also develop their motor skills. Playing enhances their creativity and imagination.
These days wonderful computer based educational games and activities are available in the market for children. There are excellent websites on the internet, which provide information and educational games for children. Parents and caregivers should find play activities fit for their children. They should be challenging, but not frustrating or overwhelming. Parents are their child’s first playmates. Children enjoy a game lot more when a parent or family member is involved in the play.
Should children surf on the internet? It is “information super-highway.” It has its own benefits and risks. Children using internet without supervision is a risk, but with a knowledgeable and responsible adult it could bring lot of benefits. It is just like driving a car and riding a car. Children can safely ride and enjoy the information super highway while a responsible adult is in the driver’s seat.
Of course there should be a limit on how much time children can spend on the computer. As a general guideline the rules can be similar to those used for viewing TV. Anything done in excess can be harmful. Consumption of too many vitamin tablets in a day can also be harmful.
Online Education - Parents Who's Children Come 1st
Well mums and dads it looks like the days of the abacus is now a thing of the past. Remember how we would sit for hours teaching the children how to count with rows of coloured balls and how we would scroll down every sentence of the famous Janet and John book when teaching the kiddies to read. Just teaching the toddlers how to hold a pencil was an ordeal.
We all want what is best for our children, but trying to self educate them can be very time consuming for the busy working mum or dad There is now a solution for all concerned parents wanting a better education for their family with the help of online education. The internet is the most powerful tool that we have in our lives today for learning and gathering information.
Mums and dads you do not have to be computer educated to be part of this major break through, where your children get to improve and better themselves with online education knowledge. You can never know too much.
Education is the key to securing a better future job or career for each of us. Without the curriculum vitae and qualification papers, do not expect to get your foot over any employer's doorway. To be honest I feel a person can not be judged by a piece of paper, but I am afraid to say that this is how the system works, no papers no job.
Online education is by far the best option for anyone of us wanting to advance forward and move up on the ladder of success. Learning in your own time is a major bonus especially where the kiddies are concerned; no one enjoys being told what to do and when to do it.
This may be the answer why most pupils do not enjoy or excel in their chosen subjects at School College or any training programme, all because they are programmed against their will.
Internet babies as I call them have a great chance of learning from an early age if mummy and daddy introduces them to the computer with movie tutorials;
Let the World Wide Web tutor your children to get on in life. The internet is very safe, so as a parent you have no worries, you get parental control over what the kiddies can and can not do when learning to surf the internet.
Give your child the best gift ever to lead a rewarding life and that is the knowledge on how to survive.
Adults this is privacy deal where you can learn to read and write should you not have had the chance in the early years.
Children many moons ago were forced to work down the mines from the early age of eight or in the mills, just to put a crust on the table. This is the 21st century where the kids get to put a loaf on the table with the right education, and to acquire this then the safest bet is the internet.
Talking of years gone by I remember being told how my son was a genius for his age at the age of five, how proud I was? I had never heard of the internet so I raised him with love and affection like mothers do. This son with a Mensa IQ now digs holes for a living. Sixteen years later I had my second son, only this time the internet was first and foremost in my mind. This son has qualifications in computers where he actually engineers the ins and outs of the internet. I will always be the very proud mother of both.
Parenting Advice: Spend the Time Now
"Spend some good time with your kids today, so tomorrow, you won't have to wait for visiting day." - Sent to me recently
Are you familiar with the myth of quality time of quantity time? It's a myth because kids spell love t-i-m-e.
Is the popular country song by Kenny Chesney "There Goes My LIfe" the transition from child to young adult leaving the nest is about 5 seconds of music. It captures just how fast the timme goes.
I was talking with a friend the other day whose kids are now their 20's. He asked me "Do you know how quick it goes?" I snapped my fingers and said "Yeah, like that!" And he said "No, faster..."
He's right. Blink and it will be gone.
Instead of blinking, spend the time now. Now, today.
I never want to ignore the magic words of "Daddy, will you play with me?" I never want to reach the day when I stop dropping everything to say "Sure, son, let's."
How to play with them
Sometimes parents get confused or nervous about how to play with their kids. Here are two words of advice: follow them. Let them lead and set the tone and you follow.
Go do it now, before they no longer want you to.
5 Ways to Zap "Mommy Guilt"
I remember, almost 14 years ago, bringing my son Kai home from the hospital. We had borrowed an old car seat from someone we knew. I placed all 6 lbs 14 oz. of him into the car seat and suddenly burst into tears. The car seat was way too big for him. I really felt I had failed him. I mean what kind of mother doesn't know he needed an infant car seat? The sudden awareness that I didn't know what I was doing hit me like a ton of bricks. The nurses were gone and I was on my own.
From the moment you become pregnant until the day you or your child dies, you try to be the very best mom you can be to your children. It doesn't take long, however, before you make mistakes. Parenting doesn't go as planned. Your children do outrageous things. Accidents happen. Feelings get hurt. Children go down the wrong path. Your marriage struggles. And the feelings of guilt inevitably follow. It doesn't matter if your children are young or grown; motherhood guilt is always a struggle.
So how can you minimize those pesky, guilty feelings? Here are some helpful tips to help you zap the guilt and enjoy the journey of motherhood.
Stop Comparing Yourself and Your Children to Others
Is Kayla sitting up yet? When did Matthew start walking? My child knows all her colors and the whole alphabet and she's only two. Does your son play travel sports? What did your daughter get on the SAT test? My son is 28 and he is still not married. Comparing our children to other children is an easy trap to fall into. But it is not healthy for our children or us as moms because every child is different. They each have different strengths, weaknesses, developmental patterns and personalities. Let your children be who they are and avoid the comparison game.
Just like you shouldn't compare your children to other children, the same goes for you. Let go of any need you have to compare yourself to other moms. Todd Parr wrote a great children's book called "The Mommy Book". In this book, he talks about how all mommies are different. Some mommies like to cook and some like to order pizza. Some mommies work in tall office buildings and some work at home. I have a friend who is the epitome of June Cleaver. Almost all her meals are home cooked. She makes all her children's Halloween costumes. She is totally organized and structured with her children's school work and activities. If I compare myself to her, I am plagued with feelings of guilt. I make Hamburger Helper for my family, purchase all their Halloween costumes and I consistently fail at structure with my kids. But I'm still a great mom, and so is she. It's okay to be different.
Accept Your Limitations as Well as Your Children's
You don't have to be all things to your children and your children don't have to be all things to you. In other words, it's okay if you make mistakes. And your children deserve the same grace. One of the things I often struggle with is thinking I need to be my child's constant playmate. I have to be honest. Sometimes I don't feel like playing cars or looking at another car magazine. Sure, my child may feel disappointed if I say no, but it doesn't mean I am not being a good mother. I have my limits and I need to respect them. All moms have limits. When we go over our limits, we usually become irritable and short-tempered. Exceeding our limits can cause a vicious cycle of behaving in a way that makes us feel guilty.
Your children have limitations too. Just because a child has a bad day of misbehavior doesn't mean you are doing something wrong. While I was on vacation this past week, there were days that my 3-1/2 year old was a little monster. He was in time out constantly. Of course, all the other little children around were perfectly well behaved. At one point, I was exasperated and I asked my aunt, "What is wrong with him?" My aunt reassured me that he is fine - he's just being a kid. It's times like this that we often question our parenting. Sometimes I think it's helpful to just understand that motherhood has its good days and bad days and it has very little to do with our ability to parent our children.
Apologize When You Are Wrong
Let's face it. Sometimes we blow it. We say or do something to our child that we immediately regret. If this ever happens to you, apologize immediately. Our children then learn that we are human and we make mistakes. Children are very forgiving and forgiveness conquers guilt. There is nothing more humbling than being able to admit when we behaved in a way we know is wrong.
Right after we took the pacifier away from our preschooler, he decided he wasn't going to take naps. My son went from taking a 3 hour nap everyday to taking no nap at all. One day, after trying for several days and failing, I was insisting my son take a nap. I was tired and I needed a break more than he did. My little strong-willed boy was determined to stay awake. Not only was he refusing to sleep, he was also refusing to stay in his bed. His attitude was one of defiance and his fighting was wearing me down. After several attempts to make him nap, I lost my temper. I yelled at him and told him he was going to take a nap. In utter frustration and anger, I spanked him and stormed out of his bedroom.
The guilt smacked me in the face. I treated my son in a way I totally disagreed with. I don't believe in spanking, especially when one is angry. I immediately went to God and pleaded for forgiveness. Not only did I apologize to God, but I had a long heart to heart talk with my little guy. I told him how sorry I was and explained that I was angry. He told me he was mad too. We hugged and made up. I knew then I had been forgiven by both God and my son.
Don't Buy Into Others Attempts to Make You Feel Guilty
Everyone has their own set of rules and values they live by. Oftentimes, when people can't accept differences in other people, they impose their opinion, often resulting in attempts to instill guilt, conscious or not. At the end of the summer, I took a 3 day retreat to reenergize. I went to Door County by myself and had a wonderful time shopping, watching movies, reading, and sightseeing. Upon my return home, I was faced with disapproving remarks from my mother-in-law. She couldn't understand how I could go on a vacation by myself. I knew in my heart and soul that I did nothing wrong, despite how others might have viewed the retreat.
Children are really great at attempting to manipulate with guilt. They know our buttons and are very aware of what tugs on our heart. My teenager is very skilled at using guilt to try and get his way. He'll say, "I never get to do anything fun" or "You never spend any time with me". He knows that it's important to me that I spend time with him, so he uses that to pull on my heart strings. Stay strong and secure with who you are as a mother and these attempts to make you feel guilty will fall by the wayside.
We are Not Responsible for Everything our Children Do
Just because we gave birth to our children does not mean we are responsible for all their behaviors. Children have a mind of their own and often don't listen to the wisdom we give. We can be the best mom and our children will still make mistakes that take us by surprise. One evening I was babysitting my friend's little baby. The evening was going along just fine until I had to feed the baby. My 3 year old was sitting next to me, watching me spoon the barley cereal into the little guy's mouth. I was holding the bowl in one hand and the spoon in the other. Don't ask me what provoked my child, but in 1 second flat, he had smacked the bowl of cereal out of my hand. The bowl of cereal, on its way to the back of the couch, ricocheted off the baby's eyebrow, leaving a big bump on his head. Cereal was everywhere, including in the baby's eye. I now had a hysterical infant and a laughing preschooler. Call it jealousy, or call it curiosity, but I can assure you I never taught my child to behave like that. Although I was horrified by my child's behavior, I knew that I was not to blame for his outburst. I am his mom, and I am responsible for teaching him right from wrong, but I cannot always control how my children behave.
Unless you are severely neglecting your child or setting a very bad example for your children, there is no reason for you to feel guilt. God chose you to be the mother of your children, and He doesn't make mistakes. God does not expect you to be a perfect mother and he does not expect you to raise perfect children. So relax, have confidence, and enjoy the journey of motherhood.
Lori Radun, CEC - certified life coach for moms. To
get her FREE newsletter and the special report "155 Things Moms Can Do to
When Parents Disagree
Moms and dads, are there times you think that parenting would be easier if you didn't have to make family decisions? Having a partner that is not in agreement with your parenting ideas or discipline approaches is more than just frustrating. It can be a cause of division in even the best of relationships. Furthermore, how you handle your disagreements will have a direct impact on your relationship with your partner and with your children.
It would be great if every couple agreed on everything but that is an unlikely event. One partner may have been raised in a relaxed environment; another may have been raised in a very strict home. What is acceptable by one partner may be appalling to another. It is important to discuss with your partner what your parenting objectives are. Decide what values are important to both of you. You will find that some things are more important to you than to your partner and vice versa. Here are some steps you can do to work towards resolving parenting disagreements.
1. Discuss your parenting objectives. What is important to both of you? Sit down with your partner and decide what values are most important. Also what areas are not as important?
2. Talk about where your children are developmentally and what they are capable of understanding. Sometimes the reasons for parenting disputes are because one partner thinks that a child is capable of understanding something and the other disagrees. Knowing what your child's cognitive level is will help you to make better decisions. Do not compare your child to other children. You can use examples based on what they are capable of doing and not doing. For instance, if you ask them to get something out of their toy box, do they understand and go get it? If not expecting your child to be able to understand certain things may be unreasonable.
3. Find out what both of your parenting strengths and weaknesses are. Many times both parents want the same things for their kids. Compliment your partner on his/her strengths. Don't just point out your partner's flaws.
4. The majority of parenting disagreements are over discipline methods and when it is appropriate to discipline. One parent may think that spanking is the best method and the other may prefer time outs or something else. One of the most effective ways to resolve this issue is to talk about it. Find out the reasons why your partner feels the way he/she does. There are pros and cons to every form of parenting. Talk about why your partner thinks his/her discipline style is the better method. Sometimes talking about it will help you to see each other's point of view.
5. If the discussion gets heated, agree to disagree. Fighting about how to parent is only going to make the situation worse. Walk away, take a break and discuss it when you are not angry.
6. Plan ahead. Discuss problem situations you are having with your children. For instance, if you are having a problem with your child having temper tantrums, discuss how you think this should be handled. If you have a plan in action, it will be easier for both of you to follow each other's wishes.
7. Pick your battles. Some things you may never agree on. You don't have to agree on everything. Find the issues that are most important to you and work on resolving those first.
8. Do not argue about parenting in front of your children. This is easier said than done. The best way to handle a situation you don't agree with is not to interrupt but to wait till later and then discuss how you think it could have been handled differently.
9. Work on role modeling communication. If your children see that you communicate and problem solve together, they will grow up to do the same. Children often repeat patterns of their own parents. Look at your relationship and evaluate how you communicate. Is this the way you would like your children to communicate with their future partner?
10. Parenting and relationships are a growing process. The more you communicate the better parent/partner you will be. Learn from each other and listen to each other. Build on your parenting strengths and tackle your parenting weaknesses a little at a time. It won't happen over night but if you continue to discuss things with your partner calmly and positively you will become better parenting partners.
About The Author
Patty Hone is a wife and mommy to three kids. She is also the owner of Justmommies.com. Justmommies is an online community for mommies to make friends and find support. Please visit Justmommies at http://www.justmommies.com.
Single Parenting: How The Challenge Of Single Parenting Affects Your Decision To Divorce
Single parenting has seemingly become an acceptable norm which is unfortunate. According to the US Census Bureau, there were over 20 million single parents in the United States in the year 2000. That's a staggering statistic, certainly the worldwide number of people who are challenged with single parenting is exponentially higher.
When making a divorce decision and you have children, its natural to wonder about the challenges of single parenting and how it will affect your children. You may have seen other people struggle with single parenting or thought about the strain single parenting would seemingly put on you and your children.
Single Parenting Is Easier If You Know Yourself.
When deciding about getting a divorce and thinking about how single parenting figures in, make sure that you know yourself. Ask yourself if you're really ready to get divorced and if you can overcome the fear or challenge of single parenting. Don't be hasty with your decision, who knows? Maybe your marriage can be saved! Then again, maybe not.
Know yourself...know whether or not you're thinking of single parenting solely to take something away from your spouse...clearly a selfish and useless reason to be a single parent. Know whether or not you can adequately be a single parent based on your inner strength, work ethic, tendencies towards being overly busy, etc.
Single parenting is tough, what you may be able to take for granted as a married person will be gone if you're thinking of trying single parenting. Chances are if you're thinking of trying single parenting, you won't have much time at all for yourself...in essence, your 'self' will be all about your children. Know whether you're really ready for this...after all your children deserve the best care possible!
Single Parenting Is Easier If You Know Your Children.
Yes, you have to really know your children...you have to know how they'll respond to a plethora of changes if you're going to try single parenting. How will they respond to not seeing your spouse - Mom or Dad - as often? How will your children react to having to be dropped off at your ex-spouses house for visitation? How will the children feel about potentially not enjoying the same luxuries or attention that they may have had previously? Of course, there's more questions to ask to fit your particular situation...keep your children's best interest at heart.
You absolutely must know your children in order to be comfortable about trying single parenting. Granted, it won't be easy and there will be rocky points in the process, but if you know your children well enough single parenting can be productive assuming your marriage cannot be saved. In any event, your children most likely will have to sacrifice if you're going to try single parenting.
Single Parenting Will Be Easier If You Review Your Finances And Plan Accordingly.
Whether the concept is shallow or not is irrelevant. Finances (or lack thereof) figure in to your decision to venture into single parenting. Take a hard look at what your finances will allow for if you're thinking of becoming a single parent. You must not let emotion completely rule your decision to try single parenting. In order to do what's best for you and your children, you need to assess just how you'll make ends meet and how you'll provide for them...and yourself!
Be sensible and take a good amount of time to figure out how you'll live, where the money will come from, how your own freedoms will be compromised, and more importantly, how your children's freedoms will be affected!
If you have a well laid out plan with regards to finance before you start single parenting, you will be much better off.
Single parenting is hard and your children will be affected no matter how well off you are in your life with regards to finance and support mechanisms. But, unfortunately, single parenting can be a necessary thing to do in some instances. Just do right by your children and yourself and think about the future and how you can build your life correctly before you venture into single parenting.
© Karl Augustine, 2005
"A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce"
An eBook recommended by marriage counselors and relationship coaches to their clients.
Are Your Children Growing Up Too Fast?
Each time our children graduate from one stage to another (i.e. crawling - walking, preschool - school, high school - graduation) we as parents are excited and a little sad as well. We want our children to grow up, but we reminisce about the "good old" days. I think those mixed feelings are normal for all of us. My question for you is - "Are your children growing up too fast emotionally and socially?" We can't stop their physical growth, but we can effect their emotional and social growth.
Our society is compressing childhood more and more to where children are not children for very long. We only have 18 years in our entire life to be children. We struggle as parents to keep our children innocent. Unfortunately, the events of September 11th stole away even more of our children's innocence.
Children are not little adults. Often, children dress like adults in miniature. Children want to emulate their teen or adult heroes in dress and talk. As parents we are fighting a raging river in keeping our children young and innocent. Society, schools, and parents are pushing children to grow up too fast.
Answer the following questions to see if your children are growing up too fast?
1. Do your children want to wear clothing that is designed for much older children?
2. Do your younger children want to watch TV shows designed for teenagers? Do your teenagers want to watch adult TV shows that contain sex and violence?
3. Are the books your children are reading age appropriate?
4. Are your children involved in so many extra-curricular activities they have no down time to just explore or goof off?
5. Are your children losing that wonderful "childish" sense of wonder about the world or do they know it all?
6. Do your find your children are growing increasingly inpatient and have to be entertained? Do they often say I'm bored?
7. Can you remember the last time you told your child you are not old enough to know about a certain topic and we will talk about it when you get older?
8. When was the last time you told your children, "No, you can't do that until your older or that outfit is not acceptable to wear in our family?"
9. Do you monitor what music your children listen to, computer games they play, Internet sites they visit - are they age appropriate?
10. Do your children hang out with much older kids who are not a good influence?
Hopefully, these questions have caused you to stop and think about how quickly your children are growing up. Due to society's pressures you will have to make a concerted effort to keep your children innocent. There will be parent and child peer pressure to force your children to do things early. You may not be a popular parent when you say No to something "everyone else is doing." Parenting is not for the fainthearted or a popularity contest.
In closing, let me relate a recent example. I was watching a morning news shoe and they were discussing summer camps for kids. The guest said more and more kids are looking for computer and science camps, in order to improve their resumes for college. I found myself yelling at the TV - "Why can't you just enjoy camp, instead of it looking good on a resume. When did camp stop being fun and started being work?"
Remember the wise words of King Solomon in Ecclesiastes 3:1 - "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." Childhood is a precious time and it is all ready much too short, keep your children innocent and protect their childhood.
© 2004 Kimberly Chastain
About the Author
Kimberly M. Chastain, MS, LMFT is the Christian Working Mom Coach and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping Christian women make the most of their lives. She is the author of the on-line course, “I Can’t Say No” and Pearls of Encouragement for Christian Working Moms, a free e-book. If you suffer from “I Can’t Say ‘No” Syndrome, visit Kimberly’s site today for the details on an exciting email course that’s sure to set you free! http://www.christianworkingmom.com/online.htm.
